Day 0

Today is the last day of this life. Tomorrow starts the beginning of that transformation into the skinny me… for the last time… I hope. One thing I know I’m good at is losing weight. The memories that pop up on Facebook are a constant reminder of how many times I’ve lost the weight – just to gain it back all over again.

I look at the thin people in my life and wish that I could just wake up tomorrow skinny. I know I wouldn’t screw it up again. Maintaining that weight would be easy.

Ummm…. that may be true in someone else’s world. But, so far, I’ve proven myself time and time again of being incapable of keeping it off. So, once again, with the new year around the corner, I am at Ground Zero… the day before I start losing weight.

Don’t get me wrong. I have also failed many attempts to lose weight. I have tried just about every diet out there. But, this time, I know I will succeed. I have to. I have dug myself in a bigger hole than ever before – a whopping XXX pounds. I am ashamed. I wear baggy clothes. I hide my naked body even from myself. I am gross. This is not what I want to be.

So, tomorrow is Day 1. It is the beginning of the end: ending the emotional attachment to food, ending my love affair with Costco pizza, ending the back & forth within my own head, ending of changing every other aspect of my life except my weight, ending the excuses, and ending all of this damn fat.

Day 1 is also the starting line for a very long, difficult marathon. I’ve run a marathon (during one of those skinny years), and I know it’s not only about the race but more so all of the training you’ve done to prepare for it. But, I am REALLY out of shape mentally and physically. So, Day 1 will be a new start: starting to accept my faults, starting to keep going even when I fail, starting to eat the nutrition I preach to others, starting to ignore others’ opinions of who I am and how I live, starting to find ways to celebrate without food, starting to focus my energy on creating more, starting Jillian Michael’s first workout DVD (again), starting to pay attention to how I look and feel, and starting to find me again under all of this blubber.

I know others have bigger hills to climb than me. I am truly thankful for all of the blessings in my life. But, this hill has turned into my mountain – I think about my weight more times a day than I care to admit. I am obsessing over it, yet doing nothing about it. Tomorrow, I start climbing.

My promises I must make to myself: celebrate the small successes along the way, keep going even when I fail, don’t beat myself up when I do screw up, and just keep going. This mountain is so high, I can’t even see the top through the clouds. But, I will start my journey along the narrow path straight toward the summit tomorrow.

Heaven help me. I am afraid.

It’s the Little Things

These are 10 moments in life that truly take my breath away, leaving my happy… and insanely full of gratitude for this amazing life I lead:

#10  I adore beautiful handwriting.  I appreciate those who can write each letter with sheer perfection and harmoniously combine them to form words.  It is an artistic talent of architects and calligraphers alike.

#9  We are building a house.  To see progress being made brings me true joy.  Today, I was giddy over putting up a mailbox.  Yes, it is weird even in my eyes to be elated by a mailbox.

#8  Creating… signs, presents, cards, water bottles, whatever my imagination allows.  Using my Cricut helps me to get it just the way I want it (like those perfect fonts that I can’t create with my own hands, or a perfectly symmetrical circle).

#7  I crave that feeling of freedom that comes with running.  It usually takes about a mile for it to kick in.  Then, I feel like I could just keep running and never, ever stop.

#6  As a teacher, watching a student’s face light up after they accomplish something they didn’t think they could do is amazing; it is magical to see (and the reason I love my job).

#5  Sand between my toes and a warm ocean breeze kissing my cheeks is an ideal setting for happiness.  The cool ocean water refreshes me after the warm sun soaks into my pores – down to my very soul.

#4  Waking up sandwiched between a soft, plump cat and a sweet, cuddly black lab is a dream come true.  The love of my pets is unconditional and makes my heart happy.

#3  The strong arms of my adoring husband wrapped around me brings comfort and peace like no other.  I will always be safe in his arms.

#2  The genuine, exuberant, belly laugh of my son is contagious.  I am not able to hold in my own laughter when I hear his joy simply exploding from his small body.

#1  To watch my daughter perform on stage is the ultimate magic and the most magnificent feeling in my heart.  Sometimes, teenagers can be distant, but to see her up there on that stage is to see her very soul shining through the darkness.  She is a beacon to show us the way home.

What makes you this happy?

It’s a Package Deal

I watched an Ideal Protein video that described weight loss as a package deal. That clicked for me.

When you buy service from a cable provider, you get certain channels. You don't get to pick and choose. When you are looking for a mate, you may look for certain characteristics, but they are a package deal as well. They come with a set of characteristics- good and "bad", desired and not. You don't get to pick and choose.

Weight loss is also a package deal. You can choose the bad, crappy foods you've always eaten and get the body you've always had. Or, you can choose the healthy body package – with all the food and exercise that comes with it.

It's just that simple. Do you want the fat body package or the healthy body package?

Try to remember what package you are choosing in those moments of little will power.

Have a great day, and choose well, my friends!

Those Uncomfortable Subjects

When I started reading Butterfly Suicide by Mary Ann Loesch, I felt a sense of unease, a pit in my stomach.  I was uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to read about the aftermath of Jude Valley’s shooting spree at Rockingham High School.  After all, this is the stuff nightmares are made of for parents… and an unfortunate reality in our society.

But, I kept reading, and I am so glad I did.  The book also delves into another harsh reality of our society: unwarranted judgment.  Daily, we see on social media, the spewing of hateful opinions by the uninformed, the misinformed, or the plain ol’ bandwagon jumpers.  Stephen Valley, Jude’s younger brother, must face these horrific judgments in the aftermath of Jude’s actions.

Stephen’s only friend, Monica, happens to be the surviving younger sister of Jude’s main target in the shootings.  Monica and Stephen face the ugly situation together while sorting through their own lives on top of it all.

I highly recommend this novel giving it 5 out of 5 stars.  The characters are well developed, and the plot leaves you guessing at the truth in all of the lies. You can purchase the Kindle version of Butterfly Suicide here.


Happy reading!



“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn’t happen much, though.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Your Favorite Workout Songs

I always need new inspiration to keep me energized during workouts, and music usually does the trick.  Since variety is the spice of life, I need you to share your FAVORITE workout song in the comments below.   Please, help a girl mix it up a bit!

Here are my current Top 10 Favorite Workout Songs:

10. All I Do Is Win (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross) – DJ Khaled

9. Believer – Imagine Dragons

8. Try – Colbie Caillat

7. Shouting Grounds – Crowder

6. The River – Jordan Feliz

5. Flashdance…What a Feeling – Irene Cara

4. Footloose – Kenny Loggins

3. Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

2. Rise – Katy Perry

1. Hall of Fame (feat. – The Script






My Male Cheerleader

My son has decided to be one of those trailblazers… and it is going to give me heart palpitations any minute.  My SHY, QUIET, rather be at home on his laptop playing an online game son has signed up for cheer… in 7th grade… in middle school.

The last time I checked, kids are mean in middle school.  Some are stupid, mean, low self-esteem kids that already like to say mean things to my son, because he is short… or because he is not athletic… or because he is not strong… or because he is in their way… or because someone dared them to… or because he is different than them… or because the sky is blue… and now he is going outside of typical male behavior even further. He is going to be a cheerleader – the only male on the team.

Don’t get me wrong.  Male cheerleaders are some of my favorite people!  That isn’t the part that worries me.  It is those mean kids that will try to take him down a notch, because he isn’t fitting into their preconceived notions their parents have put in their heads. (We live in Texas – which means he should be on the football or baseball field – which he will be – just with a megaphone.)

It is not like he can’t defend himself.  He is in karate, too.  But, last year, when he did defend himself, he still got punished by the school for punching the kid (which I get).  But, David did NOT like being in “ISS” (In School Suspension) with the “bad” kids all day.  He is a good kid, and he couldn’t believe other kids would be so disrespectful to adults.

With all of that said, I am SOOOOOO proud of my son for stepping up and being who he wants to be.  But, could you please say a prayer for him? The reality of his choice set in this morning before I dropped him off at Cheer Camp, and he was super nervous.  Not only will he have to interact with other people, he will have to smile and cheer others on.  He will have to stunt – using those muscles that haven’t seen the light of day since May.

He will be an awesome cheerleader; and, I will continue to be his worried mommy, always in his corner, supporting whatever he choses to do.

It’s Taco Tuesday! – Healthy Tacos

Since eating so many tacos piled with cheese has helped me increase my weight, I need a replacement (food or activity – anything really) every, single week.  My entire family loves Taco Tuesday, so I can either be depressed and deprived every Tuesday until this weight is gone, or celebrate Taco Tuesday in a different way!

This weeks’s celebration:

Healthy tacos!

Lettuce wraps around taco meat are actually quite yummy! You get the crunchiness of a shell, but the calories of a water leaf.  Also, I make like 10 mini tacos with my allotted 6 ounces of meat.  By the time I’m done, I feel full and satisfied.  (I also revel in the fact that one day I can put cheese on them, too!) You really should try them, and let me know what you think in the comments below.

Score for this week’s Taco Tuesday:

9 out of 10

July Inspiration

In an article posted on Thought Catalog, this was my horoscope which is spot on and beautifully written!

“It’s difficult to mask your impatience when it comes to personal reinvention. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel this free and susceptible to the world, you want your skin to pick up its pace: shed and regrow into something that feels more like a home and less like a body. You’re forgetting that everything meaningful takes time to reach its zenith. You know, you deserve something that doesn’t bite back when you try to feed it. And this time the universe is actually attempting to give you that. Good things are here, embrace them.”

So, I’ll keep plugging on – knowing the universe has got my back.