The Data Doesn’t Lie?

Today is Day 110. I have been on this journey of “weight loss” for 110 days. And… I have lost a grand total of 12 pounds. Yep! 12. Before I have a mental breakdown and wallow in my misery and self-deprecation, let’s look at the data – wait, no. The data says 12 pounds. Let’s look at the journal entries… more subjective, but effective in this case. I have gained so much self-awareness and opened my mind up to new ways of thinking. I have grown emotionally and psychologically these 110 days. I know what I want, and I know that I am capable of getting it.

Yesterday, I decided. Today is the day that I start being that person I always wanted to be. No more waiting around for her to appear. This is it. I choose me – the new me. The rule book has not been written yet. But, reaching my goals is no longer optional. I’m also meeting myself where I am… not where my ideal, fantasy me lives. I ate a black bean burger and peas for dinner… with 4 yeast rolls and ice cream for dessert. Will that help me lose weight? It sure the heck will! My brain was telling me to go get fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and rolls. I just saved myself a lot of calories and mental turmoil over it.

Every choice. Every day. It is my future to take. Now, to work on that data…

Day 40: The Struggling Dichotomy

THIS! This is how I feel almost every single day – a struggling dichotomy. One minute I feel like a beautiful princess… the next, an ugly witch- frightened of my own reflection. Most of the time, I am living a good life of the princess – my inner peace exuding through every pore. I make choices that lead me toward my goals. I am “being the change” I want to see in the world, and I am happy and content.

Then, with little warning, this visibly wounded victim surfaces. The witch is a hypocrite. She finds excuses for all the things she can’t do – laying blame anywhere but on herself. She is angry, and she is destructive. The witch will judge others to lift herself up, and she will sabotage any plans laid by the princess. And, she will hang on to the control of the body as long as she can.

One step forward, two steps back…

The truth is, the princess is used to losing the battle. The witch has been in control most of their lives. The princess is even the one that created the witch many, many years ago as a defense mechanism during the dark ages of the kingdom. She relied on her so much for a while, that the witch gained power and control. Eventually, the princess wasn’t around much. I don’t think she even knew she existed any more.

But, one day, the princess awoke from a long, long sleep. She realized what a mess the witch had made… in fact, she almost destroyed the entire kingdom with her destructive ways. The princess took back control, and locked the witch away where she couldn’t harm anyone else.

But, eventually, life started throwing punches, and the newly awoken princess still didn’t have the skills to duck and dodge. So, she would let the witch out to punch back then tuck her away back in her cell. Although it worked for a little while, the witch began gaining control again- manipulating the princess with her malicious whispers of untruths.

The princess worked very hard to learn the skills she needed to handle conflict so that she could once and for all be rid of the witch’s control. She tried throwing water on her, but it turns out her witch can swim.

Most days now, the princess doesn’t hear from the witch as much. But, when the princess is exhausted or faced with a difficult situation, the witch busts out of her chains and ensues with destruction. Except, now all of the witch’s hate is aimed at the princess herself. Her sabotage turned inward. Because, if the witch can’t be in control, she will do her best to destroy them both.

The princess knows she is winning this war but not always the battles. It would be so much easier if she could just send the witch away – never to return (maybe to the land of flying monkeys so the witch could have some friends). But, the witch is a part of her – so, she must find a place for her in the kingdom. The witch too can be a contributing member of the kingdom in the right job setting… she just doesn’t get to sit on the throne anymore.

Journey #190 – Goal Setting

Day 12

I’ve been listening to several motivational podcasts to keep my momentum in the right direction. By no coincidence, I’m sure, many are talking about my plan for myself in 2018… not a resolution, a goal. What do I want to accomplish by this time next year, and what is my plan to achieve it?It is funny to me that I have never done this before… I mean, why not? I set goals every year at work. In my personal life, I set trendy resolutions that I may or may not do. I know people tend to achieve what they focus on… what they write down and commit to doing. It just never occurred to me to do it with personal goals.So, 2018 has already begun, but here it goes anyway…


(You’re supposed to speak about it as if it has already happened…)

1. I am thin. I am healthy. I am maintaining the weight loss that I accomplished earlier this year. I feel better than I have in years. I am grateful for this year of focusing on my weight and habits. So many doors will open for me this next year because of the mental changes I have made this year.

2. How did I achieve this weight loss and maintenance?

3. I became a #PNPgroupie (“Losing 100 Lbs with Phit-n-Phat” Podcast).

4. I found other motivational podcasts that helped develop my new mindset.

5. I started small… and celebrated my successes.

6. I learned to journal and write down all of my food (and more importantly, notes about when and why I was eating).

7. I learned to stop counting calories and start eating only when I was hungry.

8. I made better food choices and planned my meals and treats each week.

9. I food prepped like a crazy woman to maintain sanity during our hectic week schedule!

10. I drank my water every day. It became my “Go To” drink instead of soda.

11. I found a workout routine that I fit into my schedule that wasn’t overwhelming but was effective.

12. I set a daily alarm for bedtime each week day. Because, if I didn’t go to bed on time, I had a hard time getting up and working out.

13. I didn’t beat myself up or quit when I screwed up. I simply journaled about it to release any feelings of guilt, etc. I promised myself this was my year to succeed and reminded myself often.

14. I chose to establish lifelong habits this time instead of dieting. It may have taken me longer to lose it, but it is how I’ve maintained this rockin’ body!


So, there it is folks… there is my commitment (and my challenge) for this new year. Now, it is time to make it happen.

I’ve got this!

JOURNEY #190

Day 0


Today is the last day of this life. Tomorrow starts the beginning of that transformation into the skinny me… for the last time… I hope. One thing I know I’m good at is losing weight. The memories that pop up on Facebook are a constant reminder of how many times I’ve lost the weight – just to gain it back all over again.

I look at the thin people in my life and wish that I could just wake up tomorrow skinny. I know I wouldn’t screw it up again. Maintaining that weight would be easy.

Ummm…. that may be true in someone else’s world. But, so far, I’ve proven myself time and time again of being incapable of keeping it off. So, once again, with the new year around the corner, I am at Ground Zero… the day before I start losing weight.

Don’t get me wrong. I have also failed many attempts to lose weight. I have tried just about every diet out there. But, this time, I know I will succeed. I have to. I have dug myself in a bigger hole than ever before – a whopping XXX pounds. I am ashamed. I wear baggy clothes. I hide my naked body even from myself. I am gross. This is not what I want to be.

So, tomorrow is Day 1. It is the beginning of the end: ending the emotional attachment to food, ending my love affair with Costco pizza, ending the back & forth within my own head, ending of changing every other aspect of my life except my weight, ending the excuses, and ending all of this damn fat.

Day 1 is also the starting line for a very long, difficult marathon. I’ve run a marathon (during one of those skinny years), and I know it’s not only about the race but more so all of the training you’ve done to prepare for it. But, I am REALLY out of shape mentally and physically. So, Day 1 will be a new start: starting to accept my faults, starting to keep going even when I fail, starting to eat the nutrition I preach to others, starting to ignore others’ opinions of who I am and how I live, starting to find ways to celebrate without food, starting to focus my energy on creating more, starting Jillian Michael’s first workout DVD (again), starting to pay attention to how I look and feel, and starting to find me again under all of this blubber.

I know others have bigger hills to climb than me. I am truly thankful for all of the blessings in my life. But, this hill has turned into my mountain – I think about my weight more times a day than I care to admit. I am obsessing over it, yet doing nothing about it. Tomorrow, I start climbing.

My promises I must make to myself: celebrate the small successes along the way, keep going even when I fail, don’t beat myself up when I do screw up, and just keep going. This mountain is so high, I can’t even see the top through the clouds. But, I will start my journey along the narrow path straight toward the summit tomorrow.

Heaven help me. I am afraid.

My Plan to Take Over the World

Since school is about to begin, I have had no time to even think about my blog. My 12 year old  son, wbo enjoys reading the tall tales I sometimes write, thought he could help me out by becoming a guest blogger. Watch out world! I give you the mind of David (and forgive me for all the 💩). 

My plan to take over the world:
When I die, I’m going to be cremated and be spead across the horizon until I land in grass. 

I will be eaten by a cow then pooped out. I will then become fertilizer for more grass to grow. Then, I will become the grass. 

I will get eaten by another cow, named Betsy, to then be made into milk. 

I will be drunk by a guy named Ben. He then poops me out, because the milk didn’t react well wih the gas station noodles he ate earlier.

From the sewer, I enter the ocean and become a flesh eating bactieria. 

So, I kill abunch of fish, and then enter a water reservoir. 

I enter people drinking the water and kill a bunch of people. I spread across the world killing every living thing on earth. 

Then, I go into outer space and wipe out all life in existence!

The End

Balance

Today's goal:

Balance work and personal life.

It's one simple sentence. Yet, it is so complicated for so many of us. I will focus on boundaries, because I don't like leaving things unfinished.

But, tomorrow is another day, and the work will still be there. I won't be any less of a good person for finishing it then. Boundaries.

Office Supply Obsession

I was reading blogs the other day on Teacher Organization, and I had an epiphany. I was on TeachingLittleLeaders blog, and she was having a giveaway of one of the products she offers on Teachers Pay Teachers. It was a tool to organize your goals for selling items on Teachers Pay Teachers and blogging about it.

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Now, understand that I have never even been on that website before (except once or twice when I accidentally ended up there while searching through Pinterest). But, I want this organizer SO BAD; I can hardly stand it! I can imagine myself writing on these pages in different colored pens – tracking my goals to blog about and sell on TPT.  Even better, since you download the pages, I would need to purchase a new hole punch so I could bind the pages together like the one shown in the photo.  That's when it hit me.

I am obsessed with [cute] organization and office [teacher] supplies. I have no intention of creating items to sell on TPT.  But, I would love to own this goal organizer and all that I would need to purchase to make it look exactly like the picture. Did I mention I love the fonts and the cute little arrows, too? I need this.  I want this. It's calling my name.

I love office supplies.  I love organization.  This goal organizer appeals to my every desire. It may be a problem for me.  But, hey, if that's my worst problem, I'm doing just fine. Maybe I should set a goal not to obsess over office supplies?… Nah.

BTW, if you are in need of an organizer for blogging about and selling on TPT, I highly recommend you check out TeachingLittleLeaders.

 

It’s a Journey – Not a Destination 

Part of losing weight is gaining the mindset to keep it off – you know, that eating healthy stuff and exercising stuff. I have major cravings once in a while (as all dieters do) – some show improvement in my mindset. Some don’t. Here are my top 10 cravings. Don’t judge.

10. Carrots

9. Potatoes – Mashed, Fried, or Roasted

8. Trail Mix

7. Chicken Noodle Soup – or any soup really

6. Spaghetti with Meat Sauce (and lots of Parmesan Cheese)

5. Corn on the Cob

4. Queso and Chips

3. Popcorn – microwave or movie

2. Frosting Covered Sugar Cookies

1. Pizza, Pizza, and Pizza with Cheese, Cheese, and Cheese

Progress from 6 months ago? Definitely. Guarantee that I won’t just gain the weight back? Not so much.  I’m still a work in progress. If awareness is 1/2 the battle, I’m 60% on my way to success!

Goals: Getting Started

Setting goals in my mind is equivalent to making a New Year’s Resolution.  I come up with an idea, make it happen for a little while, then eventually, fade off.

It’s not that I don’t take my goals seriously.  I am just a very busy person with lots of interests – like many of you. I need a plan to see some of my fabulously brilliant ideas actually come into fruition.

Why not just jot some notes down on my iPhone and save you from my trials and errors? Because, this is how we learn.  Together and by making mistakes.

step oneTo get started, here are my non-negotiables I need to make this work.

1. I have to make the goal concrete by writing it down.

2. I have to revisit the goal regularly to make sure I’m on point.

3. The goal has to be something with an end in mind so that I can put that proverbial check mark next to it when I’ve accomplished my goal

Please, let me know any suggestions you have for me in the comments. I can always use your help!


Goal #1

Replace negative thoughts with positive ideas. Every time I catch myself being negative, I will come up with something positive about the subject instead.