Journey #190 – Goal Setting

Day 12

I’ve been listening to several motivational podcasts to keep my momentum in the right direction. By no coincidence, I’m sure, many are talking about my plan for myself in 2018… not a resolution, a goal. What do I want to accomplish by this time next year, and what is my plan to achieve it?It is funny to me that I have never done this before… I mean, why not? I set goals every year at work. In my personal life, I set trendy resolutions that I may or may not do. I know people tend to achieve what they focus on… what they write down and commit to doing. It just never occurred to me to do it with personal goals.So, 2018 has already begun, but here it goes anyway…

(You’re supposed to speak about it as if it has already happened…)

1. I am thin. I am healthy. I am maintaining the weight loss that I accomplished earlier this year. I feel better than I have in years. I am grateful for this year of focusing on my weight and habits. So many doors will open for me this next year because of the mental changes I have made this year.

2. How did I achieve this weight loss and maintenance?

3. I became a #PNPgroupie (“Losing 100 Lbs with Phit-n-Phat” Podcast).

4. I found other motivational podcasts that helped develop my new mindset.

5. I started small… and celebrated my successes.

6. I learned to journal and write down all of my food (and more importantly, notes about when and why I was eating).

7. I learned to stop counting calories and start eating only when I was hungry.

8. I made better food choices and planned my meals and treats each week.

9. I food prepped like a crazy woman to maintain sanity during our hectic week schedule!

10. I drank my water every day. It became my “Go To” drink instead of soda.

11. I found a workout routine that I fit into my schedule that wasn’t overwhelming but was effective.

12. I set a daily alarm for bedtime each week day. Because, if I didn’t go to bed on time, I had a hard time getting up and working out.

13. I didn’t beat myself up or quit when I screwed up. I simply journaled about it to release any feelings of guilt, etc. I promised myself this was my year to succeed and reminded myself often.

14. I chose to establish lifelong habits this time instead of dieting. It may have taken me longer to lose it, but it is how I’ve maintained this rockin’ body!

So, there it is folks… there is my commitment (and my challenge) for this new year. Now, it is time to make it happen.

I’ve got this!

Journey #190 – Self-Esteem Queen

Day 3

Today, I was challenged with an interesting insight into myself. I have almost always let others dictate my self-esteem… my worthiness as a human being. Crap in my past started this extremely detrimental path that I walked for most of my life. Recently, I dealt with the crap. The reward was a sense of release and freedom – no longer letting those things control me and how I felt about myself any longer. For a long while, I was full of confidence and really didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thought about me. I was proud to be me- even with all my flaws.

But, without me noticing, those few, judgmental coworkers started eating away at my new found confidence with their underhanded, tacky “compliments” over the last few months.

Yesterday, I went shopping by myself. I recently cut and bleached my hair. That, along with my weight, made me an insecure, young preteen all over again. I watched everyone that looked at me as I passed by. I watched my reflection in the store windows. EVERY, SINGLE THOUGHT going through my head was negative. “They are staring at me, because my hair looks stupid.” “They think I am fat and ugly.” “OMG, my reflection is hideous!” Etc, etc, etc…

What the heck?! What happened to that confident 45 year old woman who had finally found strength from within? She, evidently, is on a vacation… leaving the insecure one in charge.

So, the lesson I learned today: it’s a process. I am not perfect; I never will be. Even if I’m at my ideal weight and my hairstyle is featured in Vogue, that insecure girl can take over at any time. She has before… I’ve lost all the weight before (more than once).

I remember the comment ONE PERSON made to me many years ago that sent me back spiraling down this path of self-sabotage. In retrospect, it was a very stupid comment. I doubt she even remembers saying it. But, I allowed it to take over my entire existence at the time.

But, I say “No more!” I can’t change those judgmental, life-sucking, gossiping women. I can only control how I react to them. It is hard. I am dreading going back to work and seeing one individual in particular. So, that means I’m already letting her get to me and influence my self-esteem , and I haven’t even seen her yet. But, it is a process… and I will win in the end.

In Polite Company, We Don’t Talk About It


In polite company, we don’t talk about politics or religion… or about nutrition.  images-6Let’s face it.  1 in 3 of us are having to deal with being overweight – and so are many of our kids.  You can find expert advice on how to lose that weight on every street corner – a dime a dozen.  But, what no one talks about is the emotional addiction to that food.  We use food in our culture to celebrate.  We reward our children with treats.  When most of us think about food, it makes us happy.

I recently watched a video of Dr. David Kessler explaining the science behind this emotional attachment to food  in “The End of Overeating” (the video is below).  Basically, sugar, fat, and salt in combinations trigger the pleasure center in our brain.  Americans’ diet over the last four decades has increased tremendously in those three ingredients with the processing of our foods. Those foods, in turn, act like a drug – stimulating our brain.

The power of the food addiction (I know, no one likes the word “addiction”, but there it is) doesn’t necessarily come from the food itself.  We are driven (much like Pavlov’s dog) by stimuli all around us.  Anticipation is powerful.  imgres-4It is the smell of the pizza when I walk into Costco that gets me in trouble – long before I actually see or taste said pizza.  As a matter of fact, the very thought of going to Costco makes my taste buds start watering.

So, really, those of us that are wanting to lose weight need to deal with the emotions of eating first.  (I don’t pretend to be an expert, but replacing a behavior with a new behavior is working for me. Also, avoiding situations that will get me into trouble is very helpful when I’m hungry.) images-7Changing how we think about food – and feel about food – is a necessity if we want to lose the weight and actually keep it off this time.

As a society, Dr. Kessler recommended adding boundaries back into how we view food.  Over my lifetime, smoking has made the transformation from being acceptable to not.  Food can’t be demonized the way smoking has been done, because we all need food. But, going back to it being three meals a day (instead of grazing all day) will be a step in the right direction.  imgres-5

As for me, I have to be the change I want to see in the world first.  I’ve got to lose the weight and the emotional baggage it represents for good.



Can You Make Change?

Most people do not like change.  Our routines make us feel safe.  I am one of those people. My family dynamics are static.  I can eat the same thing for lunch a month in a row. I keep most items in particular places so I always know where they are.  Plain.  Simple. Safe. Sane.


However, I need new things in my life all of the time.  I create changes often, and that makes me happy (as long as I’m in control of the changes being made). For example, think about women’s hairstyles.  I know quite a few women who have had the same hair style and hair color for as long as I’ve known them.  Every day… they fix their hair the exact same way.  Other women have the same cut and color but style it differently day to day.  I am neither of those women. My hair cut, color, and style change with my mood.  If I am feeling a deep down need for change, it is often expressed on top of my head.

Sometimes, I rearrange furniture to satisfy that need for change.  Sometimes, I create new projects.  Sometimes, I meticulously clean.  Sometimes, I distress and destroy.  I vacation in a different place every year.  No matter how I do it, I need to create change in my life.

So, I blog different subjects.  Because, I need that change of scenery on my screen.  That is just how my inquisitive mind works – rarely resting on the same topic twice.  Besides, isn’t change the spice of life?