Emotional Eating

This summer has been tough on the diet. In the summer, all routines are out the window – no bedtime, no wake up time, no meal time, no structure at all. Like most of us, I am not successful in that environment.

AND, I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I’m either full in or falling flat on my face. When I cheat, it turns into eating every single food I’ve craved for the last 6 weeks.  When I’m following the diet, I am being praised at office visits, because my success is above average.  I can’t seem to live in that “everything in moderation” world.

It’s destroying me.  I am so disappointed in myself when I crash and burn.  I am ashamed, miserable, and a hypocrite in the eyes of my children (from my perspective, of course). My successes don’t outweigh the failures (pun intended). I have yoyo-ed for so long – 15+ years; I’m tired of it.

What has to happen for me to stop? I’ve hit rock bottom before.  I don’t want to go there again. I am getting older, and my health becomes more and more important (and harder to correct).  I’m now old enough to know I’m actually NOT invincible – a theory which plagued my youth (and caused many unnecessary, bad choices on my part).

I believe the bottom line is… I am self-destructive. It is a learned behavior I acquired when I was 14 as a coping strategy.  It has never worked for me – quite the opposite really. Yet, it is still my “go to” subconsciously.

I need to find a solution “in the moment” of weakness. I need to find my own inner strength that I admire in so many of you. It’s time.

Stupid Anxiety – MBS

I always attempt to be positive, but…

Sometimes, all of life’s unexpected curveballs lead to Muddled Brain Syndrome.  Today, I am suffering from it.  It doesn’t even take a Major League Baseball pitcher kinda curveball.  It could be an unintentional pitch in “coach pitch” little league which can throw your brain patterns into a frenzy.

I spoke on the phone today.  (That should have been my first clue it was coming. Speaking on the phone often resembles pulling teeth to my introverted self.) The very nice gentleman (in charge of Deed Restrictions)  told me he had received phone calls about my property in the middle of a conversation about a completely different topic. That’s it.  That’s all it took.  After I hung up and processed our conversation, my day was ruined.

He did not specify that they were BAD phone calls.  It could have been phone calls getting approval to build my house – which would mean GOOD phone calls.  But, no – my brain has spiraled out of control over those two, little words… Phone.  Calls (that word being plural – meaning more than one call – probably meaning someone complaining). My “rule follower” mentality broke.

So, now, I’m pretty sure my future neighbors hate us already.  The Deed Restrictions people hate us already (although we haven’t done anything wrong).  I’m fat.  I’m broke.  I’m sick of living in a small space.  Why do I think I can help anyone else when I can’t even help myself.  I’m not good at anything.  Ugh!

And, even though I know none of this is in the least bit logical, I still feel overwhelmed and out of control.  Stupid anxiety.

This, too, shall pass, right?

Asking for Help: Anxiety

I spent many years self-medicating for my Anxiety, Depression, OCD, etc.  About three years ago, I got help.  Since then, I have been on a path toward working on solutions instead of covering up and denying my issues.

All is going really well; life is good.  I am medicated for Anxiety (the right way – through my doctor) – which I highly recommend to any adult.  In the past, my mind would spiral out of control in a situation – leaving me unable to cope with whatever was put before me in a logical fashion. My brain would also turn into a broken record – repeating the event long after it was over with a lot of “could of – would of – should of ” thoughts.   Today, even if my anxiety is triggered, I am able to think the situation through and act appropriately in response.

So, thanks to being medicated (and calm), I am now seeing all the signs of anxiety in my 11 year old son.  But, I’m not sure about medication for a child.  (He was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, and was medicated for about 3 years.  He chose to stop taking the medication, and since his grades held up, I was totally fine with that.) I’m not sure what to do for him.  I’m, of course, working on behavioral cues.  But, once he hits puberty, is it going to become worse? I can already see when his mind starts the spiraling.  It makes a small situation gigantic.  I worry a lot about him and the way things could turn out – knowing how horribly I coped with anxiety for so many years.

So, I’m putting this out there to you – asking for help.  Do anyone have experience with this? Does anyone have any advice even if you don’t? TIA