This summer has been tough on the diet. In the summer, all routines are out the window – no bedtime, no wake up time, no meal time, no structure at all. Like most of us, I am not successful in that environment.
AND, I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I’m either full in or falling flat on my face. When I cheat, it turns into eating every single food I’ve craved for the last 6 weeks. When I’m following the diet, I am being praised at office visits, because my success is above average. I can’t seem to live in that “everything in moderation” world.
It’s destroying me. I am so disappointed in myself when I crash and burn. I am ashamed, miserable, and a hypocrite in the eyes of my children (from my perspective, of course). My successes don’t outweigh the failures (pun intended). I have yoyo-ed for so long – 15+ years; I’m tired of it.
What has to happen for me to stop? I’ve hit rock bottom before. I don’t want to go there again. I am getting older, and my health becomes more and more important (and harder to correct). I’m now old enough to know I’m actually NOT invincible – a theory which plagued my youth (and caused many unnecessary, bad choices on my part).
I believe the bottom line is… I am self-destructive. It is a learned behavior I acquired when I was 14 as a coping strategy. It has never worked for me – quite the opposite really. Yet, it is still my “go to” subconsciously.
I need to find a solution “in the moment” of weakness. I need to find my own inner strength that I admire in so many of you. It’s time.